for today.

Friday's iPod Challenge

2007-08-24T09:54:00.000-05:00

1. Katie Melua - Just Like Heaven
A heavenly remake of The Cure's song. Featured in the movie with Reese Witherspoon. VERY sweet song... "you... soft only.. you... lost and lonely... you... strange as angels... dancing in the deepest oceans... twisting in the water... you're just like a dream"
2. Serge Devant - Surround You
Oh I love love love this song. The beat is fabulous and so are the words. Nothing better than a sultry man voice singing "I will surround you... chase your fears... and keep you near me"
3. Michelle Branch - Tuesday Morning
She has sung me through some really hard times in the past. Tuesday morning is about not wanting to leave someone you care about... and finding yourself through relationships. "If I had known then, that these things happen, would they have happened with you?" Too bad she's no longer a solo artist.
4. Cass - Little Bird (Tiesto's In Search of Sunrise 5)
My memory of this song is listening to it in the car when SG was around... He hated trance/dance music, especially this song. Fucker.
5.King Kooba - If I could (Kaskade Remix)
I guess lots of songs help me through lots of times... because this one is no different. I've felt the way of this song once upon a time and am so happy I'm past that. It's all about leaving someone that doesn't treat you well... If you could.
6.Alana Davis - I want you
"Oh you do you do you do you make me want you..." heheh... a remake of Third Eye Blind's song. Very pretty!
7.Carrie Skipper - Time Goes By (ATB's - DJ In The Mix 3)
Great beat. Love this CD...love ATB :)
8.Filo & Peri - Anthem (Armin Van Buuren - ASOT 2007)
I heard PVD do this in person, and it wasn't so good. Well, PVD isn't good at all... he's an asshole, actually. BUT I heart Armin and loooove his rendition of it. Way to get it back on track, Armin!
9.Smashing Pumpkins - 1979
mmmmmm :) Such a feel-good song!
10.BT and Tiesto - Love Comes Again
You've gotta believe that love will come again ;)

Kaskade!

2007-08-22T22:39:00.000-05:00

Kaskade has a new CD out... Bring the night. It's a compilation of some songs... so not an original CD like Love Mysterious was, but good nonetheless. Love it!

Rollerblading has been my thing recently. I can't wait to go tomorrow. It's been way too incredibly hot for it lately though. I've been going later at night so it's not as hot, but i'm drenched in sweat by the time I'm done. Brandon's going with me tomorrow night - and Heather's going on Friday night. :) I can't wait!!

I got out of a ticket today because the state of GA is unorganized. Thankfully! That's $150 I can use, thank you very much!!! They told me to be there at 3pm... so I was there... and when I got there, the dockett said I needed to be there at 5pm... They set my "trial" for the wrong date (stupid HOV violation... I'm not stupid, it was the only exit ramp available so I took it) and so the fault was in their court. They dismissed. Hooray!

Hottttt Hottt Hott

2007-08-09T14:45:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh... Hot cup of tea on a hot summer day. Wait a minute. That doesn't sound right?! I should have some ice cream or something. Eh, I can be good for just another day...

This evening will consist of having my nails poked and prodded at until they become a nice shape and painted to perfection. Then blood, sweat, and tears at the park as I roll along the sidewalks... mostly uphill. And then a nice evening at home watching the DCI finals. I'm still slightly regretting turning down the Spirit Drum and Bugle Corps the summer after high school. It would have been fun.

There is a lot of planning to be done for this trip coming up. It's coming along... but coming up quickly!!!

ipodilicious

2007-08-06T11:45:00.000-05:00

Monday's iPod Challenge...
Put your iPod on "shuffle" and let the pod do the work. List your songs (no cheating allowed)... and adapted from the ipodilicious blog. (You didn't think I'd come up with something like this on my own, now, did you?!)

1. Lifehouse - Storm
I love this song, it's so soothing from the new album. His voice is amazing... and so is his face... and his body... and yah. I loved him so much that I actually attended his concert solo. Isn't that spectacular?
2. Pink - Long way to happy
This song kind of got me through a rough patch... knowing that there are people who actually struggle from time to time. I'm not alone in knowing that I have a problem trusting people and it does take a while to get over some things.
3. Counting Crows - Mr. Jones
"Man, I wish I was beautiful... sha-la la la la yah uh huh yah..." Such a feel-good song :)
4. Coldplay - The Scientist
Oh... good ole XM... *sigh* this song is way too representative of what we had to have not been written for us. It means a lot to both of us.
5. Kaskade - Really can't stop
funky funky beat. He's coming to see me Sept 22 :)
6. Filo & Peri - Ordinary Moment
I freaking LOVE this song... "All I want is an ordinary moment here with you... no distractions... Tell the world we're too busy doing nothing, cancel everything that you can. lead me in to the kitchen at the table I just wanna be alone with you..."
7. Kaskade - Everything
It's on my myspace page right now. I think it's actually the first Kaskade song I ever heard. :)
8. Dave Matthews - Hello Again
I hate this song :)
9. Kaskade - Here I am
Featured on "The Devil Wears Prada"... great great song. "I'm too shy to show you my vulnerable side... I'm too near to make it clear emotional suicide... Here I am... I can't give you anything."
10. DJ Tiesto - In my memory
Ahhhh... gotta love this one. It's one of the few "beginner" songs into dance/trance that got me hooked. MMMmmmm.

Can you tell I have an obsession with Kaskade? :)

Appropriate Lyrics

2007-01-17T20:07:00.001-05:00

Blank Jones - Perfect Silence

the most perfect silence is
when there is no need to speak
the most perefect silence is
when there´s no need to explain

the most perfect moment is
when we just come from different circumstances
but the stream of lust flows into the same direction

the most perfect silence is
when there´s no need of showing
something is true
when you see the same pictures
from another point of view

when there´s no need to search the outside
no need to linger on
not a single something left to distract you
no need to want

don´t you see how I long
how I long
for that moment to come?

the most perfect silence is
when there´s no need to speak
the most perfect silence is
when there´s no need to explain

when there´s no need to search the outside
no need to linger on
not a single something left to distract you
no need to want

don´t you see how I long
how I long
for that moment to come?

Meeting the man of my dreams

2006-12-11T02:06:00.000-05:00

Ah... so it finally happened... I met him. And he's just as wonderful as I thought he would be. His music filled the room and I immediately knew it was destiny that I was there. Kaskade has to be my (hands down absolutely) favorite dj on the planet. He played all of my favorites, Steppin Out, It's you It's me, 4am... and the list goes on. I was in heaven. Literally. :)

When I met him, I told him I loved him. Haha. Usually i'm not that blunt, but, come on, how many times in your life do you meet someone that special to you?! I don't really remember what he said to me... I handed over the CD case i'd brought for him to sign. He thanked me for actually buying the CD and apologized for the track listing on the back. (the songs and the track listing don't match up) Then I got another picture with him - and it was an overall good night. (Which is surprising because it was attack of the Santa's for some pub crawl there. ugh! Drunken Santa's... what could be worse?!)

I found Mat Kearney. He's pretty dang good if you ask me. I know, I have such a random taste in music. Eh, whatever. Good times.

SO - this weekend was pretty fabulous. This week is finals week and i'll be done with school until January. I can start my step classes again (since the promotion I haven't had time). Maybe they'll fall in a more workable schedule for me next semester.

Oh yah, I guess I should also tell you that I got my promotion. :) You know, the one i'd waited 9 months for. Marketing Coordinator. Gotta love it!

Things are just as good as they can be. I can't complain one bit.

some lyrics I found moving

2006-11-14T00:33:00.000-05:00

ANGELS & AIRWAVES

"Do It For Me Now"

I'm frightened at night and the wind has a roar
It seeps through the hall and from under the door
Like the shit that was said
I can't take it that well
I give and I give and I give and I give and I'm still
Lost and hurt and bone thin from the love that's been starved
I know it got close but I'm sure it's too far
From the point of suspense, we know it should be
The end of that part of our favorite movie
When the guy grabs the girl and gives her his hand
Says take me away from this torturous land
Cause the grave is set up, the hole that I dug
I gave and I gave and I gave and I gave you my trust
Like the time that we kissed and you gave me a lie
To add to the scene you pretended to cry
But I'm here and I'm cool, the way that it is
Just give me a chance and I'll try to forgive

And I don't know
And I can't guess
If it's gonna be OK
But now my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here and hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one
I know you can
Won't you do it for me now

I've really had it with the rain of the tears
The predictable storm that has come every year
And it sneaks in from shore with a bat in its hand
I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying I can't
You're a thief and a witch but I love you to death
You steal my heart and curse under your breath
But the one thing that I can most willingly prove
That when you are gone I'll be fine without you

And I don't know
And I can't guess
If it's gonna be OK
But now my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here and hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one
I know you can
Won't you do it for me now?

Now just hold on, hold on to me
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)

This was me for oh-so-long. "I give and I give and I give and I give and I'm still lost and hurt and bone thin from the love that's been starved"

And it feels so good to be past that. ;)

Today's the day

2006-11-07T02:09:00.001-05:00

What's so ironic about the whole thing is that it happened 3 years ago... and the trial is just now coming to an end around Halloween. What's even MORE ironic is that the last time I saw my cousin was at my Halloween party in 2003... which just happened to be his favorite holiday.

My cousin and I were best friends. He lived a little farther away than we'd liked but we still made it work. He was the best advice giver I have ever met in my entire life. He was always so blunt about things - and wasn't afraid to speak his mind. (eh, remind you of someone?) Either way - he made an impact on my life in one way or the other. The story:

On November 7, 2003, Daniel decided he was going to get some cigarettes before his friends came over to carpool to a party. Instead of taking his truck, he took his motorcycle (a Honda RC-51). He lived and breathed those things - even taught me how to ride - he worked at Mega Motor Sports building the engines before they were sold - and had even built his own from the ground up. So, off to get some cigarettes (he swore up and down that he was going to quit soon) and I guess he was driving a little too fast. They determined he had to be going at least 80/90 mph in a 35. On another road, this lady was driving her mother, her children, and herself in a huge truck like maybe a Ford F-150 or something. For some reason, I have always pictured this truck being red - i'm not sure why - and i'm not sure if it's true either.

She didn't stop at the stop sign and within a split second, my cousin had hit the side of her truck and flipped over it - hitting the pavement, splitting his helmet in two. He died instantly. All I can think about is "did he see it coming?" "what did he think?" "did he know he was about to die?" "were his last words 'oh shit'?" you know.. things like that.

The police came, cleaned up the wreckage - did their investigation - and took the lady to jail with charges of vehicular homicide or something like that. I know nothing about her - and would like to keep it that way.

I had stayed the night at my boyfriend's house that night. My mom didn't find out until the morning - when my aunt called her... and my aunt didn't want to be the one to call me. I lived in Smyrna at the time... and had gotten in a car wreck just about a month earlier. (which - the series of events that happened to me in those few months were ridiculous - will explain later) Either way - my mom called me and asked me to call her when I got home - because I was driving when she called the first time.

At about 10 am on November 8th - I found out. My mom told me "erika, there's been an accident - and Daniel was involved." I immediately started to grab my things to go to the hospital and thoughts were running through my head "i need to call so and so and cancel this - and cancel that" etc. My next question was "ok - which hospital is he in". And then she told me he didn't make it. I was devastated. I remember sitting on the couch - that stupid clear phone that Heather had is the one I called her back on - and just screaming. No one else was at home. I can't tell you what I did the rest of that day. All I remember is being so sick to my stomach and having this horrible ache that has slowly subsided over time.

I remember going to the viewing... and surprisingly we were allowed to see him. I broke down. I don't think I’ve cried so hard in my entire life. I kept hearing whispers of "that's his cousin" as I passed... from the people I hadn't met but only heard of. We left there and the funeral was the next day. My mom went with me - I don't think I would have been okay without her there.

At the funeral, his coworker told the story of the first time he brought me to Mega Motor Sports. We hopped on the bike and drove down there. We walked in and everyone was like "damn, Daniel's got a new girlfriend!" People started emerging from every corner of that place to meet me - because, i guess he talked about me quite a lot (our adventures, etc) anyway - we walked in, and he was introducing me to everyone. When we got to his boss's desk... he said "so and so, this is my cousin" no name, no nothing. So, they assumed that he forgot my name (which, maybe he did for a few minutes but whatever - we'd known each other forever). They took their labeling machine and printed my name out - stuck it on the side view mirror underneath his helmet - while he continued to introduce me to other people. When we got ready to leave - everyone came outside and as we put our helmets on - it was a good laugh. :)

So - his boss told that story at the funeral and told me (over the PA) that I was so special to him and that they knew he had a place in his heart for me. I believe it. He was special to me too. And I miss him every day.

The next event is one that doesn't happen often. How many times have you heard Tool played in a church? Eh, I never thought that would happen. Well, it did - Daniel's favorite song was played. It was something that he would have thought was oh-so-cool. Which it was. I would have spoken, but I don't think I could have. People would have just had to listen to me cry, that's how bad it was.

I still have his last beer bottle - that was left on my desk from the Halloween party... He was the UPS man... complete with a package to deliver. It was good times.

There's a billboard in his honor up along a major highway... It says to look twice and save a life....

my fabulous-ness

2006-10-02T13:05:00.000-05:00

Ah, what a wonderful life. I've been a little M.I.A., my sincerest apologies for that. I've been moving for the past week or so... and packing and unpacking before and after that. It's been hectic to say the least.

Since I was here last, some things have changed. Because I know you're going to ask, I'll just go ahead and update for ya.

1. A long lost somebody recently stepped back in. 8 years long lost. It's quite cute, if you ask me. It's a good story that i'm sure my kids will hear about one day.

2. My new place is fabulous. Just like its tenant. I love love love it and couldn't ask for anything better. My drive in the morning is priceless.

3. Roomie is wonderful. A changed woman, she is. I like the new her. A lot more than the old her. And that says a lot.

4. Recently had to face a demon of mine. Place: Family Reunion Time: 3 years ago Reason: meeting place of someone I lost that was dear to me. I took lots of pictures of the bilboard and will probably write something about it once I can get them to look exactly the way I want them to. Loved him.

5. Dance classes have been coming along great. Didn't go to Hip hop two weeks ago because I was sick, and last week, the instructor cancelled because she got bit by a spider. OOPS! But all is good... my step classes are whippin me into shape. :) couldn't be happier.

6. I didn't do so hot on my first global issues test. I know exactly why, too. Matching. Kills me every time. I'm not a good test-taker, so I don't know how I'm going to get through school!

7. We have a mac-n-cheese cookoff Wednesday. It should be fun. I'm making that, and a banana pudding. Just cause I want to.

8. Last, but definitely not least, I love Kaskade. His new album is so amazing. :) much better than any other album i've heard before. I'll be meeting the guy December 9th. Can't wait!

That's it. Well, for now. I've got tons to do.
C'est la vie!

nothing new

2006-09-15T12:39:00.000-05:00

So, I have yet to figure out which football team I can be loyal to. Maybe i'll just say "fuck it" like I do everything else - and just keep doing what I've been doing. That might work.

Dance class has been awesome. We're learning new things every week. I skipped out on Step class last night because last week this girl walked in the class and announced to everyone "it smells like shit in here". I took that as a direct hit - and will be working out some other time than before class. Who knows if it was me, but I hate it when people do that.

I pretty much didn't pass my map test last night - because there's really no way to study every single country and its capital and location (by shape) within three weeks - when you've started with no real prior knowledge. I'm not saying i'm incompetent, just don't really pay attention to where kazikstan is in relationship to bolivia. Do you?

I move in a week - IT'S ABOUT TIME!!! Not only for the fact that roomie is about to drive me up the walls, but that I get to ditch this horrific drive I endure every single day, and I also can save lots of money on gas. :) that, in itself, will make me smile.

So, I'm having a bit of an issue. I never thought it would come to this - but it did, it has, and it will soon end. Someone who I thought was an okay friend of mine has decided to go completely psycho. Now, before you judge, just know this person is a girl - and girls do this from time to time. Completely psycho, like there's no tomorrow. Any and every low blow she could take, she's taken. I could do many things to combat her, yet it's not even worth the fight. This is nothing new though - I should have expected a fight out of her.

I've always been the same. Never changed. I've always had the same attitude towards people - very blunt and straight forward. I tell the truth even when I don't want to and I expect my friends to do the same. If not, then "fuck it". ;)

On a lighter note, I managed to buy the new John Mayer cd Continuum. It's actually quite good... and since they've cleared up their "mishap" and he's not really dating Jessica Simpson, so i'm a bit relieved. This new album is very solomn and mellow. The good ole John Mayer we used to know... back before Room for Squares.

That's right!

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

2006-09-11T12:39:00.000-05:00

What a good movie it was. Erm. When I say "good movie," i'm referring to the characteristics of the movie (acting, directing, etc). Horrible Horrible principle of the matter. (kinda like MatchPoint) When I watched it some odd years ago with XM, it was okay, because he was into that sort of thing. He liked movies that had a deeper meaning, something he could overanalyze and relate to himself.

Never did I ever think that he would go this far.

He's taking a trip. A trip all the way across the US to Cali and Seattle and Colorodo, etc. for two whole weeks. By himself. To forget me. You read that right. To forget me.

My relationship with XM started way back in 10th grade for me. He was a cutie that worked at the same Mall I did just at a different store. We'd passed notes back and forth and found out that we really liked each other. We started going on dates (My memory recalls the Variety Show as our first - but he argues differently) and he soon became my boyfriend. He was mine for a whole summer - and then we just stopped talking. No reason. Neither of us tried to stop it. And neither of us questioned it. It just happened.

Flash forward 3 years and i'm in college - living in the apartments on campus downtown - and here comes XM walking across the grass "quad". We started talking - went on a few dates (good ole dinner and a movie - Apres Diem and Four Feathers - will never forget it). Thus began our lives as boyfriend and girlfriend. We went with family on vacations, to holidays, concerts, to everything you could imagine. Things happened. And things started not to work about a year and a half in. I wanted something more than he could give me - and he didn't see that (upon reflection he's figured that out now) and a whole bunch of other reasons for breaking it off.

I'll never forget that night... December... home by myself... sitting at my desk in my room, feet proped up... I called him and told him it was over. I know, I know, breaking up over the phone is not a respected thing to do - but it was the only way I could really do it and not be swayed by his hug or kiss to go back to what I knew I didn't want. I guess you could say "I" broke his heart... but we all know that you break up with someone for a reason.

We didn't talk for a solid month - all through Christmas even. I called him in January to see if he was okay - after hearing through a mutual friend that he wasn't doing so hot. We talked a little while - and from then on, i've considered him a good friend of mine. We'd had what we had, and it was over. It happened. It was good. It was in the past. Enough said.

Throughout the next few years, he was in and out of my life. Out more or less when I had a relationship, and around more often when I didn't. He always tried getting back "in" but it was something I didn't want anymore - nor could I handle. So, I let it be. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him. He's been nothing but a good friend to me.

So with my XM, comes this "deep"-ness... and this "I compare every other girl I see to you"-ness. And that sucks. It really does. Every little thing to him reminds him of me and he gets "reflective." I wish he could just get over it like I can. I guess it's just not that easy with some things. Now, he's trying to forget me. To erase every memory of me. To cut ties with me. To become just another person in this world. And if you've ever seen the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, you'll know that it's never going to happen.

The more you try to push someone away, the worse it gets. And the more you want to remember that memory and hold on to it. It makes me quite sad that he's trying to do this, actually. XM is one of those characters who burned all of my stuff because he could bear to throw it away for fear that someone else might find his treasures. And he couldn't keep it, because it was crawling meticulously out of its box and through the closet doors haunting him. So, the only other resolution he could come to was fire. As for me, I still have his box. And it'll stay there. I'll pull it out ever so often and cherish the memories that were my past.

I guess that's just me. I can say "C'est La Vie" and "fuck it" and all will be well (well, once I can get to that point) but i'm sure everyone isn't the same as me.

So, until then. This blows. Hardcore.

John Mayer = current disappointment

2006-08-31T09:39:00.000-05:00

*sigh* John Mayer. The love of my life (well, for his voice and lyrics, that is). I've loved him since he came out with Room for Squares and even more when he came out with Heavier Things. I loved every single song on that album. His voice is so amazing.

So, now, I'm facing a dilemma. John Mayer has now become the "John Mayer Trio" with horrible, horrible songs... AND to top it off there are "rumors" that he's dating Jessica Simpson!!!I'm disgusted. Utterly disgusted. Do I shade myself away from the musician that once made me so happy? If he truly recognizes real talent, why the hell is he talking to Jessica Simpson?! Her voice is ridiculous...

Some of his lyrics got me through some tough times. For instance: this happens to be my favorite song of his - ever!

"Split Screen Sadness"

And I don't know where you went when you left me but

Says here in the water you must be gone by now

I can tell somehow

One hand on the trigger of a telephone

Wondering when the call comes

Where you say it's alright

You got your heart right

Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and

Wait on the porch 'til you come back home

Oh, right

I can't find a flight

We share the sadness

Split screen sadness

Two wrongs make it all alright tonight

All you need is love is a lie cause

We had love but we still said goodbye

Now we're tired, battered fighters

And it stings when it's nobody's fault

Cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name

It's only the air you took and the breath you left

Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and

Wait on the porch 'til you come back home

Oh, right

I can't find a flight

So I'll check the weather wherever you are

Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight

It might be my only right

We share the sadness

Split screen sadness

I called

Because

I justNeed to feel you on the line

Don't hang up this time

And I know it was me who called it over

butI still wish you'd fought me 'til your dying day

Don't let me get away

Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me

So I can say this is the way that I used to be

There's no substitute for time

Or for the sadness

Split screen sadness

We share the sadness

There are many other songs of his I like, of course, but this one tops it off. I believe I have quoted him a time or two...

"I can tell you this much, I will marry just once and if it doesn't work out, give her half of my stuff. It's fine with me. We said eternity. I will go to my grave with the life that I gave, not just a melody line on a radio wave, it dissapates, and soon evaporates...."
(excerpt from Home Life)

...and let me tell you I believe and almost live by those words. It's so bizarre. And now, look what's happening. I have to put him on the "not so cool" list. That's not right!

Oh, and I still haven't found a good football team yet and it's already Thursday. I'm trying though! I have decided to go to the GAC vs. Buford game on the 29th... that is, if i'm moved in fully already. It's going to be a really good game... :) I can't wait!

Onset of the football itch

2006-08-28T14:12:00.000-05:00

Yes. There it is. Ahhh.... the sweet smell of football season approaching! It used to mean hours upon hours of practice in the hot weather for me (definitely well worth it), Now, my old high school barely plays the same teams anymore. I checked out their schedule this season and there's not one single game i'm dying to go to. There used to be two or three a season.

My football team through high school was always good. I think there was only one year that we didn't win state... and yes, I went to each and every game from 7th grade on. It is a favorite past-time of mine.

Last night I was hangin out with some people I haven't hung out with before (well, not by myself anyway - there were other distractions previously) and good ole 'football' was brought up. I've never really had a college team to root for. I've always been a Buford Wolf and that's all that mattered to me - it was enough football for a season, too. So now i'm faced with the decision of picking a team.

It's sad, i've never even dated anyone who was hardcore for a college or pro team so I know nothing about good/bad teams, etc. My choice needs to be an edcuated one - so I don't look like a schmuck rooting for a consistantly losing team!

I may attend a Buford game just to see the show (yes, the marching show) and I might find out when their competitions are - those were always so much fun. Football and cuddling are the ONLY reasons I like cold weather in the slightest. So, my challenge this week (and boy is it going to be a busy one) is to find a good football team to root for. Let's see how I do!

liberation week

2006-08-25T08:23:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what it is about this week - but everyone I know has been liberated in some form. Adventureman got a long awaited document signed. Roommate finally stated how she really felt. I'm sure it was something she's been holding in for a long while, cause I had no clue. I finally collected some overdue monies and closed a relationship that had been open far longer than it should have. My trusted advisor left a job which was wearing him down, probably not the way he'd envisioned leaving it, but leaving it all the same.

All in all, it was a crap week. There were several days I didn't feel like being at work, and several no-good-very-bad-horrible-rotten days. It happens, right? At least now it's in the past and I'm looking forward to bright things...

1. moving in a month (no more traffic!!!)
2. dance classes start this week
3. stumbled upon a "roommate" very randomly

I was also introduced to this website called veryliberating.com. Adventureman goes on there all the time... It's kind of funny. You can post anonymously and no one ever has to know. You can read others' post and think about what freaks they are (because we all know they really are).

what a day...

2006-08-22T08:15:00.000-05:00

**Warning** Don't read this if you're having a good day - it might make yours turn sour.

Yesterday I was late for work because I woke up late. In the past year and a half I have never slept in to where I didn't make it to work. There were some close calls, but nothing major. Yesterday, that wasn't the case. I slept until 8:30 and was supposed to be at work by 8:30. Oops! So, being paranoid, I woke up at 5:30, 5:45, 6, 6:15, 6:30 and turned my alarm off until 7. PLENTY of time to get to work. I got up, got dressed, and danced my way around my apartment until I was ready for the day. Here's where it goes sour.

1. I parked under a tree. Because of that, these little green things fell onto my car (which was wet from the rain). These things, not a clue what they are, decided to "spread" when I turned my wipers on leaving a green muck on my windshield. Lovely. The muck looked like something you'd find in a newborn's diaper. Not kidding.

2. Left the complex, turned Right onto the main road. I sunk in my seat once I spotted the rows of traffic I was about to fight. Ugh. I even left early so I wouldn't be late! I fought traffic all the way downtown - and actually made it, right at 8:30. (surprisingly)

3. I get out of my car and the building manager is in the parking deck with a squigee scooting the water around. "Good Morning," I say. "Hey, ummm, there was a sign posted in the lobby this morning written in blue marker that said to go to a meeting on your floor. Just wanted to let you know that's unacceptable... blah blah blah"... "ok. I'll take care of it." and I walked away. He was still talking. I hadn't even reached the building yet and he was already reaming me for something I had no control over.

So, I get upstairs and tell my office manager about it, who, in turn, sends an email to the culprit and copies the building manager on it. But did that stop him? Nope. He continues to come up the elevator, to my desk, with the disapproving sign, and continues to tell me how unprofessional it is. What does he want from me? I already told him that i'd take care of the situation. I was running a few minutes late because he had to stop me and lecture me about it and i'd had enough. So, I kinda snapped at him. "OKAY. I will take care of it, insert name here, I GET IT!" And he still kept talking. Wow. What an idiot.

I told my office manager and she 'took care of it' and told him he was rude. Haha. Lovely.

Now, let's see how much worse this day can get. I'm sure there's something else that could go wrong. Or maybe it's just because i'm annoyed. Who knows?

Update on my situation:
1. I'm not going to live with said roommate anymore. I'll be finding a place on my own, but possibly getting another roommate to share that place. I'm going to look at it tonight. It's in a really nice neighborhood.
2. Class started last night. I can tell it's going to be more of a debate-type class than a 'mark a,b,c, or d.' class. I love it.
3. I signed up for my dance classes. They start next week.
4. I finally got a school ID card. I'd lost mine in the "transition". As luck would have it, I found it last night while packing.

So, now that you've shared in my frustrations, hopefully you're not too frustrated yourself - or maybe you can just be frustrated for me! You were forewarned - if you were in a good mood before reading this and aren't now... not my fault!

a child of the 90's

2006-08-18T09:37:00.000-05:00

Recently, I've been searching through old music. I actually have some cassettes still at my mom's house. My very first cassette was Madonna's album with Like A Prayer on it. It got stuck in my tape player.

These songs have brought back this nostalgic feeling - and there are several memories tied to them. For instance, the night I found out my best friend (at the time)'s brother killed himself, there was a song playing (that, for the life of me, I can't seem to remember which one right now). But every time I hear that song I think about him. He was only 14.

In lieu of my recent music searching, I've compiled a list of songs that I grew up to. That's not to say these are my favorite songs by these artists by any stretch of the imagination, it's just the songs that were out when I was growing up. I'll probably go home tonight and make a mixed CD and call it a day. Enjoy.

Toad the Wet Sprocket - Walk On the Ocean
Pete Yorn - Strange Condition
Collective Soul - The World I've Known
Counting Crows - Mr. Jones
Better Than Ezra - Good
Blues Traveler - Run Around
Live - Lightning Crashes
REM - Losing My Religion
Lisa Loeb - Stay
Sheryl Crow - All I Wanna Do
Jewel - Who Will Save Your Soul
Fiona Apple - Criminal
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
John Mayer - No Such Thing
Mariah Carey - Dreamlover
Boyz II Men - Water Runs Dry
Nirvana - All Apologies
Matchbox 20 - Push
Eve 6 - Inside Out
Beck - Strange Invitation
Semisonic - Singing In My Sleep
Ace of Base - The Sign
Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight
Pearl Jam - Evenflow
Blessed Union of Souls - I Believe
Arrested Development - Mr. Wendel
Dishwalla - Counting Blue Cars
Everything but the Girl - Missing
Gin Blossoms - Til I Hear it from You
Hootie and the Blowfish - Hold My Hand
Soul Asylum - Runaway Train
Jon Secada - Just Another Day
Oasis - Champagne Supernova
The Cranberries - Linger
Dog's Eye View - Everything Falls Apart
Everlast - What It's Like
Tonic - If You Could Only See
Candlebox - Far Behind
Spacehogs - In the Meantime
The New Radicals - You Get What You Give

Up and Coming

2006-08-16T14:49:00.000-05:00

Several exciting things are happening in my own little world. Thought i'd share...

1. "Step" classes start the week of the 28th. That'll be one goal checked off my list. Mondays from 6-6:50, just enough time to get to my class at 7:15.

2. Dance classes also start the week of the 28th... from 7-7:50 on Wednesday nights. It's concentrated in Hip Hop - that makes me very excited!

3. Class starts Monday - I have an Introducing the City class as well as Global Issues. Should make for an interesting semester. 2 more A's and I'll be able to start the education I came to school to begin with for!

4. Roommate and I are going to look at some places tonight. We're moving. I'm really excited about that, too. I won't have to sit in hours of traffic anymore!

C'est tout.

unexpected encouragement

2006-08-14T15:08:00.000-05:00

"your qualities overshadow your weaknesses"

Now, how come every time I get in a rut, I order chinese? And how come every time I order chinese they put at least 2 fortune cookies in the bag? (And what does that mean, by the way? That i'm ordering enough food for 2 people...when it's only me?) Anyway, how come a fortune cookie is always handed to me that relates almost specifically to the thoughts i've had which led me to order the chinese in the first place?

Breaking up with someone doesn't mean you're free and clear of the heartache it causes. When you're doing the breaking up it's still hard. It's not like you didn't want to be with that person in the first place... the feelings are still involved, it's just that they did something to mess that up. I'd been down on myself a little bit and thinking that I was a little weak for no reason. He was a horrible boyfriend and I didn't want to be with him for a reason, but there's always that thought in the back of my mind that I did something wrong, when clearly I know I didn't.

So, the other night, when I was feeling not so hot, I ordered my chinese, sat down with a few movies and some wine (no, I wasn't drinking alone). I opened my fortune cookie and there it was: "your qualities overshadow your weaknesses". Just the inspiration I needed to remind myself of that moment of weakness was miniscule compared to my awesome qualities. Mmhmm! :) What's funny about it, too, is that I got 3 cookies with that order... and this message happened to be in the one I opened. The other two are still in their wrappers.

Everywhere I turn there are words of wisdom helping me through this. I've been doing incredibly good, don't get me wrong, but I do have my moments of weakness.

C'est la Vie.

desk notes

2006-08-08T09:23:00.000-05:00

Words of wisdom coughed up from my desk:
The process, not the end product, is the point. Once you remember that, you'll find that you're able to breathe much easier. Enjoy yourself during the journey and you'll find that the destination is almost beside the point.

It was me who put them there probably a month or two ago when I was struggling. Struggling to maintain a balanced life in lieu of an awful breakup - always running here or there and not really seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like i'm doing better now, with more structure to the parts of my day that need structure; and more freedom to the parts of me that want to go out 'on a whim'. It's nice, I must say.

Printing these words of wisdom have only helped me by osmosis because I can't say that I've read it more than three times since it's been there. Oddly enough, I live by it, too.

Along with the small notes are many pictures of the kids I used to babysit, pictures of my sisters, and a highly decorated calendar that contains my life OUTSIDE of work. I bet the lady that sits here when I go to lunch has a field day... she must, because she comes off as really nosy!

A certain person I know wanted me to mention that I did not break the wine glass - AND my crooked toe will be straightened if I didn't. So, there it is. Fine print, but it's there.

Dance Revolution

2006-08-02T11:52:00.000-05:00

1. go to the gym
2. join a class
3. look better :)

That's the plan. Recent pictures have disgusted me. My friends deny it and tell me i'm beautiful - and I see what's in the pictures is definitely different from what's in the mirror. I already eat healthy and only drink water. I just need to add the physical back into my weekly regime. Don't get me wrong, I have wonderful self-esteem, just would probably feel better looking at pictures if I complete 1, 2, and 3. AND I love dancing - especially organized dance. So, it'll be fun, too. I'll keep you posted.

When I was in High School, I was the captain of my colorguard. We did lots of dance features and I loved every minute of it. The director even hired me to come back the next year to choreograph the show. I dance on the weekends out at clubs and have gotten comments like "damn, you can drop it like it's hot" and "i love the way you dance, teach me!" I even tried out for Spirit Drum and Bugle Corps and made it, just decided that I couldn't go on tour with them. sooo.... my head's a little inflated now, don't'cha think?

PLUS - this will add one more thing onto my already packed schedule. I'm sure it'll be something I'm excited to get up and do... just running laps at the gym doesn't sound so interesting. I'm stoked for this little dance revolution of mine!

Three months in the making... this better be good

2006-07-31T13:29:00.000-05:00

Sometimes people are too smart for their own good. Let's say a certain someone took a certain entry-level position at a certain company to get their foot in the door. Now, they've done their time, even trained on the subject at hand, you think they're supposed to 'move ahead' right? Charles Barkley said it best "ha-ha-ha bless your soul, you think you're in control?" Hah. Fitting.

I'm being considered for a promotion... woohoo! Not so much. I've waited three whole months for it all to go down - and it hasn't yet. I'm tired of playing the waiting game, but this position is something that could get me into everywhere I want to be in my life. This company has a record of taking forever to make decisions though. I have had several meetings with the powers that be, and from every aspect have essentially been performing the job already... on top of my other responsibilities. I'm too smart for the position I currently hold. I'm too ambitious and motivated to do the mundane tasks I'm mostly responsible for. I want something new, something challenging... I want that job!

I have a meeting with this certain someone for lunch tomorrow and I'm quite nervous about it. He could tell me that the job's all mine and I start ASAP, or he could just tell me that they're "going down a different path, but hang on for the future!" I'd cry. I'm sure i'll be okay though. It always works itself out. I mean, if I can deal with a crooked toe, I can deal with rejection of a promotion... or can I?

one crooked toe. check!

2006-07-27T08:52:00.000-05:00

In the 100 things about me, I mentioned that I would tell you about my crooked toe 'later'. Well, now is later and it's certainly better than never. (I wonder if i'm now making a good first impression?)

See, I've had this crooked toe all my life - just can't recollect noticing it until about a year or two ago. Odd, I know. It's just one of those things that can irritate you if you let it, but I choose to love it. I'm sure there will be plenty of men out there who will love it just the same. I think it's incredible that someone can notice and appreciate the smallest little details. Because then they'll notice that you need flowers on a certain horrible day. Or they'll notice that something's not quite right, when you don't even say anything. It also means they care enough to notice. Now, that's what i'm talking about. The caring part. If no one cared about my little toe, then it'd just be a nuisance.

It's crooked, and yes, the paint sometimes smudges on another toe when I paint them myself. Other than that it's perfect. So there you have it, I'm really not perfect after all!

100 things about me.

2006-07-26T14:22:00.000-05:00

Just to start things off - I'm assuming this will be fun. It might become a bit tedious, but i'll try to think of just 100 things about me. I might not make it. We'll see.

1. I drive a 99 Honda Accord Coupe. It's red. Nothing special.
2. I just recently discovered that there are more people out there with the same last name as me.
3. I won the spelling bee all the way up to the State level in 8th grade. I even beat out the high schoolers.
4. I read girly books. No mystery, suspense, philanthropical, or otherwise in this category. Strictly girly.
5. I have a love for Paris like no other. I haven't been, but one day plan on going. Maybe to visit. Maybe to live. But for right now, i'm obsessed with all things French.
6. My mom means a lot to me. She raised my brother and I single-handedly. For that, I thank her deeply and want to be a lot like her when I 'grow up'.
7. Every long-term boyfriend i've had in the past 4 years has cheated on me.
8. I have a crooked toe. Just one. To the guy who a. notices it and b. appreciates it, I will marry. (not really, but that's just to emphasize my point. Don't worry, i'll explain later)
9. I wear my dry-cleaned pants twice before cleaning them again. I don't get dirty at work, so it's not a big deal.
10. I like dirty jokes.
11. At Starbucks, I get one of two things: Grande vanilla cappuccino or a Grande mocha frappuccino.
12. I remember every detail about someone that's important to me. The things we do, the places we eat, the words he says. Everything.
13. For some reason, people feel they can open up to me. Sometimes too much.
14. My cat loves me. And I love her.
15. I'm an aries.
16. I have chicken pox scars in several odd places. One on the roof of my mouth, and another in the middle of my eyelashes.
17. My favorite flowers are pink roses. (although any flowers will do)
18. I'm waiting on mr. right - but mr. right now will do, for now.
19. I would like to own a painting by Chagall one day. (I just looked up his picture and he was a very unattractive man)
20. My ex used to call me "bella". It was nice.
21. My step-dad hasn't spoken words to me since 2002. I wonder if he'll ever get over it.
22. I have 5 eiffel tower figurines. 3 on my desk at work and 2 in my bedroom.
23. Lots of things secretly get on my nerves.
24. I've never broken a bone, but i've sprained my ankle a few times. No stitches either. Impressive.
25. When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian. Then, when I got into High School, I thought I should be an Elementary School Teacher. Now, I think I want to do Marketing. Who knows where i'll end up?
26. My ultimate goal in life is to become a wife and mother.
27. Sometimes I procrastinate. That's a lie. I always procrastinate.
28. I'm naturally skinny. If I didn't have good metabolism and good eating habits, i'd probably be fat.
29. When I was young, we didn't have very much money. My mom bought this book series for 200 dollars. I can't remember now, why, or who wanted it (me or my brother). When I got a little older, I gave them to the girl next door, because she was younger and I thought she needed them. My mom was really upset - and my conscience still bothers me. The little girl's parents had more than enough money and spoiled her rotten.
30. I used to be a lifeguard. It's a good pick-up line. (but I really was a lifeguard)
31. I listen to mostly vocal trance. You've probably never heard of it - but I love it. It takes me to 'that place' to let me think or just zone out. Very nice.
32. I want to live by myself but can't afford it right now.
33. I used to have an Acura RSX. It was beautiful and the car of my dreams. Then it was wrecked. Twice. Hence, the reason I have a red Accord coupe.
34. I dispise South Carolina for vacationing purposes. I went with an old roommate one weekend. They have a law against open-pouring bottles so I couldn't get drunk. The guys that were trying to hit on me asked if my friend was a lesbian. They were really hot and I wanted to stay. She made me leave. My favorite pizza place there (I had tried once before and loved it) wasn't open until 2. It was 12 and I was hungry. Our shower didn't work in our hotel room. And we got rear-ended on the way home.
35. I have a fear of rubberbands. I know, it's crazy.
36. I didn't get drunk ever until the summer after I graduated. 4 skyy malt beverages.
37. No one ever pronounces my last name right. When they do, I usually clap for them.
38. I have had pneumonia. It happened when I was 19 and I really don't know how I got it.
39. I used to have a fan-tabulous cousin that I was very close to. He died in a motorcycle accident - also when I was 19.
40. I dispise motorcycles for that reason.
41. The only movie I can continuously watch again and again is Empire Records. I can quote it, too.
42. I'm addicted to myspace.
43. Usually, I know what's going on the the celeb-world. Who's dating who, that sort of thing.
44. I don't like being called 'woman'. It's offensive to me for some reason.
45. Pet names are almost the same. Ever been called schnookums? exactly.
46. I used to own a bike that had a radio strapped to the handlebars. It was pink and yellow. I think it said Radio Rocker or something across the front.
47. When my Madonna tape was eaten by the tape player when I was 6, I cried. I believe it was playing "Like a Prayer" at the time. I loved that song.
48. I have one single vice: Eclairs
49. I have never smoked a single solitary cigarette in my life. And i'm very proud of it.
50. Never even tried any type of drug, either. (it's true.)
51. One time, when my wisdom teeth were hurting, the dentist prescribed hydracodone for me. I don't remember that week. I do know that we had a cookout though. I bet it was fun.
52. I own several diamonds.
53. I also own two necklaces and a bracelet from Tiffany's.
54. I regret buying my class ring. I wish I could go back and pick something different. Something I might actually still wear (one that doesn't 'look' like a class ring).
55. Hair dye has never touched my hair.
56. Blowdrying is an option for me in the morning. People hate me for it. Straight as a board.
57. I love my birthday and think that birthdays are very important.
58. My birthday celebration lasts a week, usually.
59. 2 weeks ago, I bought my first bottle of wine. Ever.
60. In April, I stopped drinking sodas. I switched to water and couldn't be happier. I've tasted a coke since then and I almost got sick.
61. Every morning I eat waffles. Cinnamon toast waffles without syrup.
62. My middle name comes from 1964's playboy centerfold.
63. I acquired a nickname in 8th grade from my best friend. I still 'use' it but am never called by it.
64. I like sex. a lot.
65. I have had an office relationship. It worked.
66. Sometimes I am very random. It cracks my friends up. Especially when they can read it in a sequence on IM.
67. My brother and I are close. Not really super close, but close enough that I can call him broham and he can call me sisterham.
68. I have 2 little sisters. They are the most precious things on earth. They're going to have a hard time finding anyone to date between my brother and I. Hopefully, by then, I'll have a husband who will own a shotgun specifically for that purpose.
69. One of my sisters is blonde. The rest of us are brunette. Very dark brunette.
70. I own 80 something pairs of shoes.
71. I have an Express credit card. And I use it. Frequently
72. My roommates drive me crazy sometimes. But I love them anyway.
73. My childhood dog is still alive. He's very old, but still alive.
74. My family had a knack for taking in stray cats. Smokey Joe was the first - and there have been 5 more since then. There's only 3 left - the other 3 passed away.
75. I've never had a "boss from hell". And don't plan to either. All of my bosses have loved me.
76. I don't like girls very much. They bother me. They're sketchy.
77. I wish I exercised more but can never muster up the energy at the right time to make it to the gym to run. It's always midnight before I 'feel like it' and by then it's too late to do anything about it.
78. I have clothes in my closet that have the tags still on them.
79. I would like to wear more dresses in the summer but can never find any that fit 'just right'.
80. I have the reverse problem of most girls. I can't find shirts that fit because my boobs are too BIG, not too small. I wear a medium (oh lord, here we go) usually but sometimes my boobs won't fit. They aren't overly huge, but I do get compliments on them. Then, the only option left is to buy a large shirt - but the stomach is too big. It's a big dilemma of mine. People hate me for this one, too.
81. While we're on the subject, I will not. WILL NOT. buy a D cup bra. Will not.
82. I'm almost blind. Only a few points away from it.
83. I drive really fast and people that will be honest with me tell me that they don't like my driving skills. I love it. :)
84. I haven't watched any of the season 3 episodes of the OC because i'm waiting for it to come out on DVD. It doesn't fit with my ever-changing schedule.
85. I don't watch scary movies.
86. I have developed a likeness for Sarah Jessica Parker. I think she's really cool.
87. Julia Stiles used to be my favorite actress. I'd have to say it's either Reese Witherspoon or Cameron Diaz now.
88. I've never thought that Justin Timberlake was hot. And Brad Pitt was only hot a. when he was clean-shaven with a shaved head, too and b. when he was with Jennifer Anniston. For him, I have lost all respect.
89. There are certain people you can't trick yourself into liking. (you shouldn't have to, either)
90. There are two pages from a magazine carefully folded and placed in my jewelry box. If the man I marry is smart, he'll look there before he proposes.
91. I'm super-romantic.
92. It bothers me when people spell my name with a c.
93. The urge to learn more french has gotten deeper in the past month.
94. I secretly hate some people I work with.
95. I consider myself very grown up at my age.
96. When I was 4 or so, I learned to swim. Since then, I've been a really good swimmer. I love the pool but have a fear of dark water (some oceans and lakes)... like something is going to get me.
97. I've been told that I snore (occasionally). I've been told that I kick (sometimes). I've been told that I make my way to the side of the bed that wasn't mine to begin with. I've also been told that I sleepwalk.
98. My favorite color is Pink. I used to hate it.
99. I can remember parts of my life by the way the air smells. I can smell the seasons changing. It's a beautiful thing.
100. ma vie? il est délicieux. pour aujourd'hui. ;)